(a story of a girl)<\/p>\n
Matty is better on beam than I am, but I don\u2019t think I should have been put in level four. I can land my cartwheels perfectly and I\u2019m better on the jumps than she is. The beam is in the barn, at the top of the hill, where it\u2019s cool. We get to wear our leotards all day and when its time to swim, we jump right in Lake Champlain.<\/p>\n
Tonight after dinner Matty and I were invited to play cards with some older girls in their cabin. Celeste invited us, she does work duty with me in the dining room. I clean the tables and she just collects the condiments but I like the challenge of getting all the tables cleaned in half an hour plus getting the chairs up on them so they can wash the floor. Rich helps us with the chairs because even though we\u2019re fast its impossible to do it all before the bell rings. <\/p>\n
Beam is not my favorite event, I like bars better, but it\u2019s my second favorite. Keep it tight, Rachel says to me. She stands back from the beam and sticks her hand out to catch you if you fall but she doesn\u2019t come close and put her hands on either side of you the way Kim does. \u201cIts an adjustment,\u201d is what Kim said to Matty on the phone. Kim is Matty\u2019s mother and our school gymnastics coach. When Kim spots you you feel safe like you won\u2019t fall.<\/p>\n
\tMatty is in the lower field with level five. The beam down there is set higher than mine in the barn. Matty says not to worry about what level they put us in but she\u2019s in all the higher levels. I don\u2019t know if it\u2019s because I missed some classes this winter when I was sick or if it\u2019s because she has Kim at home. In practice Matty takes more breaks than I do, I practice all the time. <\/p>\n
“Keep it tight,” Rachel says. She has her arm in front of me and I\u2019m going to walk over it with my head first and then my hands. “Look at the beam,” Rachel says. If she would move closer I could throw myself down hard enough to get momentum. But I\u2019m afraid I\u2019m going to land wrong. “Okay,” Rachel says, to make me hurry up. So I go, and I know it\u2019s going to go wrong. <\/p>\n
\tAt dessert Celeste comes by our table and reminds us that we\u2019re playing cards after dinner. “Should we meet you there?” Matty says. “Yes,” Celeste says. So after we clean our trays we run upstairs to fix our ponytails. It\u2019s kind of a habit here because at gymnastics meets you get points off for a single hair in your face. <\/p>\n
The cabin is small, and only has four bunks. Celeste and her roommates have a trunk in the middle of the room with a tablecloth over it and we all kneel around it and one of the girls, who\u2019s Canadian and has a French accent, shuffles the cards. \u201cSo where are you girls from?\u201d she says. Matty says we\u2019re from Vermont. And the girls say, \u201creally?\u201d And I say, \u201cyes.\u201d And one of them pops a bubble with her gum.<\/p>\n
\tI have never played gin rummy but I\u2019m a fast learner and I\u2019m doing okay when the girl Amy, who is the tallest, says, “let\u2019s play truth or dare.” Matty looks at me and I don\u2019t say anything. Matty and I sleep in a big room that\u2019s over the camp dining room and there are seven of us in there and we are the youngest group. One of the girls went home already because she couldn\u2019t sleep at night. But I brought my bears and I whisper into their necks and I\u2019m so tired I fall asleep. <\/p>\n
We pick straws about who goes first and Celeste picks and calls truth and says that she went to second base with a boy in her basement one time when her parents were gone. She says she didn\u2019t really like him but wanted to know what it was like. She says it was kind of yucky and afterwards he brought her a raspberry tootsie pop to school. <\/p>\n
When it was my turn I said truth because I didn\u2019t have that much to hide not having gone to second base with anyone and because I didn\u2019t know what kind of dare they might give me. Amy is the one who asks me the question and she says, have you ever met a dyke. What\u2019s a dyke, I say, even though I know. A lesbian, she says. \u201cTwo women who,\u201d and she rolls her shoulders around. I get a bad feeling. No, I say. I say it before I\u2019ve thought, it just comes out. I figure that my moms don\u2019t count, and the only other lesbians I know are friends of my moms from Boston but we almost never see them. They are grown ups. I don\u2019t know any dykes our age. <\/p>\n
\u201cAre you sure?\u201d Celeste says. She says it like you\u2019d say to a little kid.
\n\tI can feel Matty looking at me and I feel like a liar. \u201cNone of my friends have mentioned it,\u201d I say. \u201cAnd Matty\u2019s not.\u201d I look at Matty and try to laugh. Matty says, \u201cyeah, I\u2019m not. <\/p>\n
And Cleo isn\u2019t.\u201d <\/p>\n
\u201cThen why do you have two moms?\u201d Amy says. \u201cWe know you do.\u201d She looks at me with her lips pointed out. <\/p>\n
I look right at her. \u201cI just do,\u201d I say. <\/p>\n
\u201cWell what\u2019s it like,\u201d Celeste says. \u201cIs it different?\u201d <\/p>\n
I want to leave. But Matty is there and I\u2019m afraid she won\u2019t come with me if I walk out. And I don\u2019t know if they are trying to be mean or not. <\/p>\n
\u201cThey\u2019re just normal,\u201d Matty says. \u201cI go to her house all the time. It\u2019s just like anybody\u2019s house. Our parents are friends,\u201d she says. <\/p>\n
I try to keep my face tight. I keep everything tight. <\/p>\n
One of the girls who has hardly said anything and who is small and a really good gymnast says, that\u2019s sick. <\/p>\n
My heart is going crazy and I\u2019m afraid I\u2019m going to explode all over the cabin, I can hear it in my ears. I stand up and bump the trunk and Celeste grabs my arm and says \u201cwait.\u201d <\/p>\n
Matty stands up and says, \u201cI better stay with Cleo.\u201d <\/p>\n
\u201cYou don\u2019t have to leave,\u201d Amy says. \u201cWe were just curious.\u201d <\/p>\n
The cabin door bangs behind me and Matty says, \u201cwait,\u201d but I run. I run down the hill to the water even though we aren\u2019t allowed down there without a buddy and I\u2019m afraid I\u2019m going to fall, because my legs are shaking. Matty yells wait, but I can\u2019t stop, I just keep going down. Rich is at the bottom looking at the water and I don\u2019t want him to see me so I turn around and Matty and I crash into each other. Our heads hit hard and there\u2019s a huge crack. We both stand there with our hands on our heads and we start crying. \u201cI\u2019m sorry,\u201d I say, and my stomach flips and I throw up all over the path, and onto Matty\u2019s feet. Matty stands there looking at me and tears are pouring down her face but she\u2019s not making any noise. <\/p>\n
Rich comes to see what\u2019s going on and I can\u2019t hide the throw up. \u201cWhat happened?\u201d Rich says, looking down at the path and at Matty\u2019s feet.<\/p>\n
Matty says, \u201cwe ran into each other.\u201d <\/p>\n
\u201cAre you alright?\u201d Rich looks at each of us.<\/p>\n
\u201cI don\u2019t know,\u201d I say. <\/p>\n
\u201cLets get you girls to the office,\u201d Rich says. He puts his hands around us to take us up the path. <\/p>\n
My head hurts, and my stomach feels weird. I\u2019m not sure I can walk. <\/p>\n
Okay you girls stay right here, Rich says. I\u2019ll go get help.<\/p>\n
After a little while they let me call home. I want to tell my mom the whole story but the only phone is in the camp office and there is a counselor in there watching television. \u201cI threw up,\u201d I tell my mom. \u201cAnd they say I might have a concussion.\u201d My mom asks what happened and says that they can come and bring me home. I want to tell her about the girls in the cabin. So I say, \u201csomething happened before that.\u201d I figure that if the counselor hears maybe it\u2019s not a bad thing. So I tell her my mom what happened. When I tell her I start crying. It comes out all big and my chest hurts from holding it down. I\u2019m gulping and my hand is shaking. My mom says oh sweetie and I\u2019m so sorry and those girls did a really horrible thing. I say, \u201cmost of them are Canadian and you always said the Canadians are better than the Americans.\u201d And she says, well I guess it depends. And teenagers can be cruel, she says, and stupid. My mom never says the word stupid and it feels good to hear her say it. <\/p>\n
When she asks me if I want to come home I say I don\u2019t know. I say why don\u2019t you come up here for awhile, just you, not both of you. She says she\u2019ll leave right away. But its bedtime, I say, and you can\u2019t come at bedtime. She says she should talk to the director. So the director comes in and talks to my mom and then says to me I\u2019m sorry that happened to you and I understand if you want to go home but you should probably stay. I agree with her and she checks my eyes again and she says I don\u2019t think you have a concussion but you and Matty can lay low for a couple of days and do some core strengthening and watch movies just to make sure you\u2019re okay. Matty says she\u2019s fine if I\u2019m fine and that she doesn\u2019t need to watch movies but that she will if I want her to. And I just want to go to bed because I can\u2019t think anymore. But before we go to bed I say to Matty that I\u2019m sorry I threw up on her. We are brushing our teeth in the bathroom when I say it and Matty starts laughing, and points to her feet, where the throw up fell, and we both are laughing. It\u2019s kind of like crying, it hurts to laugh, this big thing moves up and down in my chest. Matty wipes her eyes because laughing makes her cry. She says, taking her toothbrush out of her mouth, can you believe those girls? I say no. And Matty says, they\u2019re so mean. And I say, and my mom said they were stupid. My mom said they just didn\u2019t know, Matty said. She said people can be ignorant.<\/p>\n
I say, yeah. <\/p>\n
And then we spat out our toothpaste and washed our brushes and went to bed. (a story of a girl) Matty is better on beam than I am, but I don\u2019t think I should have been put in level four. I can land my cartwheels perfectly and I\u2019m better on the jumps than she is. The beam is in the barn, at the top of the hill, where it\u2019s cool. [&hellip<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":2426,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[3],"tags":[234],"class_list":["post-4528","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-prose","tag-art-akino-kondah"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/narrativenortheast.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/4528","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/narrativenortheast.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/narrativenortheast.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/narrativenortheast.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/narrativenortheast.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=4528"}],"version-history":[{"count":10,"href":"https:\/\/narrativenortheast.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/4528\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":4545,"href":"https:\/\/narrativenortheast.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/4528\/revisions\/4545"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/narrativenortheast.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/media\/2426"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/narrativenortheast.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=4528"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/narrativenortheast.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=4528"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/narrativenortheast.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=4528"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}
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\nCatherine Wright teaches critical and creative writing and gender studies at Middlebury College. She has published a number of short stories in literary magazines, including Negative Capability, Phoebe, Hurricane Alice, <\/em>and .Children, Churches and Daddies<\/em> She has also published a range of nonfiction, including essays in Studio Potter<\/em> and The New Mexican,<\/em> and co-authored two books: Vermonters At Their Craft<\/em> (New England Press, 1987) and Social Justice Education: Inviting Faculty to Transform Their Institutions<\/em> (Stylus Press, 2010). Over the years, she has earned a number of grants and prizes, including the Cowden award for fiction at the University of Michigan where she earned my MFA in creative writing, a Vermont Arts Council grant, and a Mellon-funded grant for a project called Writing Beyond Borders. After teaching as a non-tenure track faculty member for thirty years and raising three children in a nontraditional family, Katherine has recently returned to writing fiction. <\/em><\/em><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"